FFImpulse Special: Ask Megan, the 1st Edition

Greetings all!

Welcome to the first installment of Ask Megan; Dear Abby for the Otaku. I'm Megan (obviously) and here to guide you through the wonders that are love, relationships, and sex with goats. Okay, the last part is mostly for Volitar, but hey, at least everyone can use some info on the first two.

To give you a better idea of who I am, here's an interview of me, shortly before I took this job.

Q: So, who are you again?
A: I'm Megan. Didn't you read the first line of the damn article?

Q: Oh yeah. I guess I shoulda done that.
A: Idiot.

Q: So, why are you called the Dirty Girl?
A: Because I have an insane amount of information about sex stored in my head. That and because I'm a lecherous woman.

Q: Lech.. What the hell does that mean?
A: Did you get dropped on your head as a child?

Q: No.
A: Right. Ask another question.

Q: So, you know a lot about sex. Why should people ask you about relationship advice?
A: Wow, a good question. Amazing.

Q: Thanks.
A: People should ask me because I think I know something about how people work. I mean, I'm a chick, I know how chicks work. I've dated chicks before; I know they can be a hassle. I've dated a good number of men in my days too, so I know a little something about men. So, a lot of it comes from personal experience. Then there's the fact that I've read every Dear Abby, and Savage Love article ever written. Hopefully, I can keep a balance between the two.

Q: You've dated women? Cool!! Are you a lesbian?
A: *sigh* If you finished reading the sentence, you would see that I've dated men too. This would make me bisexual.

Q: Can I get in on some hot lesbian action?
A: No.

Q: Can I get your phone number?
A: I'll pretend like I didn't hear that.

Q: Okay. Well, will you tell me a little about yourself, other than sex?
A: Well, I'm a 20-ish young woman. I'm a college student somewhere in the Midwest. I've been affiliated with Final Fantasy Impulse since it's birth, even in its days as Final Fantasy Haven. In other words, I'm old school.

Q: So why are you calling this article Advice for the Otaku?
A: Because I'm also a geek.

Q: Does that mean you're a shut in?
A: No, it means I'm a sci-fi/fantasy fan, I'm a big fan of anime, and know more about computers than I rightfully should.

Q: Man, you sound like a dork.
A: All right. That's it. *chases after interviewer with a spork*

Q: MY EYES!!! THEY BLEED!!!
A: SEND IN ANOTHER ONE!!!!

*Interviewer number 2 enters.*
Q: What happened to that guy over there?
A: Sometimes just feel the need to bleed from the eyes. Now, ask a question.

Q: Okay. Um. So, what kind of things do you think you can advise people on?
A: Well, since this is a sex and relationship advice column, I hope I can advise people on sex and relationships. Did anyone tell you anything when you took this job?

Q: I'm trying to be a good interviewer here. Here's a good question: Don't you think that by giving advice about sex to teenagers, they will want to have sex? Doesn't having sex lead to all sorts of problems like VD and pregnancy and stuff?
A: That's the best question I've heard all day. Here's how I think of it. People are generally smarter than they give themselves credit for. And I think that most people can make responsible decisions if they have the correct information. I don't advocate people having sex, especially when they aren't ready for it. What I do advocate is people making informed and responsible decisions. Sometimes it can be hard to ask those questions, or even to know what questions to ask. I hope that I can give real and unbiased information to people to help them make those decisions.

Q: That's a lot of words. Can you be briefer for your more stupid readers?
A: You want me to give a sound bite?

Q: Yes.
A: *sigh* Fine. Hey Kidz, Megan sez don't be stopid

Q: That's better.

Well, that's all for now. If you want to ask a question, I can be reached at here, or you can find me in chat most days. Danke!